september melancholia

1. black blood

i bled in thick black blood
from your daggers aimed to the heart
the daggers i thought were flowers
perhaps i was crazy, perhaps i, a coward
scared to admit the truth
you were only a lie i convinced myself true

2. true lies
true lies, blind eyes
bad tries, gay guys
what i see is not as it seems
stuck in a dream
caught in a whim
what i feel, just like a meme
comic by nature, the gist in between

3. half a circle
i feel insufficient, i feel incomplete
i feel like a flower of pollen, no bees retreat
like a semicircular doughnut if there ever was such a thing
like you might be right here, are you even real, do you even exist
my mood has visited the graves down below
i don't like my thoughts when they're left on their own

4. black
i once, black in colour
worn and torn, grown in storms
the dark faded and became a murky grey
never bright as a pure white sheet
nor mighty as the ink on a parchment
just a haze, the outcome of life, washed away
love me as i am
love me as if i am enough

5. green-eyed shadow
the green-eyed shadow lurks in between the moments
its presence made known
it lingers beyond control
seeding thoughts of bitter and spite
assure myself a shadow is just a shadow
assure myself 'you are in control'

6. serene as me
serene is me
it's in my name
it's in my nature
it's what i've known myself to be

chaos breaks me
it goes against everything that i'm called
it questions the judgement of all
can i just be as serene as me

7. between my lines
do you smile behind locked sorrows
do you hide the craving of a tender relation
do you reminisce of a time borrowed
do you wonder the truth behind an illusion
do you enjoy a creature, its meows and purr
do you long and search a love of a lifetime
do you keep it all inside, a lone figure
do you read and write between the lines
do you relate to all that i've asked you
are you like me, in search of you too?

8. defeat
the stories don't end when they don't even begin
the feelings don't settle when they are not in the open
the poems don't stop when the thoughts are kept wandering
the sentiments don't die though the memories are forgotten
death is in defeat but then why am i still breathing

9. canon
strings loose, strings attached
fates aligned, never entwined
in parallels near and far
a nudge almost, a hope forlorn
the hi's and goodbye's, begone
you grew up, and i too
together, forever, but just not with you

10. a decade older
happy birthday me
from me to me
hug me from me
love me from me
take care of me
let myself be
with the worst and best of me