i..have been staring at the ceiling for far too much

watermelon

in the name of defense
and in the name of the greater world
you did the unimaginable
of a margin you built
of the terror you provoked
yet you call yourself righteous and merciful
pen on my paper
blood on your hands
don't call it war, in this one-sided gameplan

day to day

_acceptance
some dreams are just forgotten
some dreams i don't dare to wish upon
it's easier to deal with when there are just no expectations
keep your feelings at bay, keep your heart unthreatened

_prayers
show me a life of ease
show me a life of comfort
show me a life of love
show me a life of gratitude
show me serene
show me peace
show me joy
show me release
curled on my bed, words unsaid

_shellter
my numbed shell has cracked
and my flaws are getting into my head
i used to struggle with a lack of emotions
now i'm drowning in a pool of it

the conflict

how i feel is not how i feel i should feel

how i think is not how i think i should think
how i act is not how i should or would have acted
how i am may or may not be how i am
how i write corresponds to my thoughts
but my thoughts right now are just quite a lot

PNG

1. untitled

she's buying my name on a grain of rice
who would have thought that was possible
if i bury your name in the name of forgiveness
would it all then be settled

2. drenched
getting drunk on my sorrows on a weekend just because i can
my tears flowed like the damned lady's water broke
all my wounds bled open, they glisten in crimson
lost in my selfmade maze, confused in a daze
getting a haircut, getting myself clean
i can't lose myself.. i have to win

3. senget @ LSK
the walk to the cafe
the cat has chosen me
markisa soda in my hand
with a friend who understands
she's distracted and i'm in my head
pouring words of poetry instead
hope this cafe inspires you
i hope you'll get through

grudge(s)

i don't know when a grudge will no longer be a grudge
he said it's not how, but a matter of when
will when be today, or just before my deathbed
will i ever forgive and forget
everything done, everything said
when will it be 'the end' ?

 

against me

my inner demons are snooping out

ready to strike an absolute fight
the walls i've built, standing flimsy
i've given my all, gave all my might
i don't know how to win the battles
when the battles are just me, myself & i