the idea

the idea is fantastical

a strange fantasy

an illogical make believe

a made up string

a fleeted fling

the idea remains an idea

suppressed down below

swimming to the surface

destroy it, save my face

leave it without a trace

teaching the mirror

if only mirrors could talk

then i might not be so alone

trapped in my own thoughts

"make it make sense" 

the undertones of those beatings

i surrender and i accept my loss

now stop filling the space of my reasonings

let me sleep

and let me be in peace

making my bed

i am guilty of lost hope

of broken promises

of forgotten dreams

of unintentional oath

one step a mistake

two steps too late

unity was a lie

of what's left unsaid

the guilt is creeping up on me

i hope you found peace

i hope your blood kin never encounter those of me

some deserves better

and some couldn't be better

forgive me

i'm trying to forgive myself

the pathological grief

i grieved in my sleep

tears swelled over closed eyelids

they came unannounced, the scenes of the deep

from the past to the future, the pangs still hit

even in dreams i am yet to get over it

sometimes dreams are the realities, and the reality is just something you dream of ?

maybe 

no one's there

as i swallow the pills

in my fever state
i can almost hear a whisper from within
"i'll take care of you"

...

will it be as pure as white as snow
or will it be as lush as green can be
will there never be turmoil
will there never be grief
will it be forever contentment
will i never be sad, even just a moment

i..have been staring at the ceiling for far too much

watermelon

in the name of defense
and in the name of the greater world
you did the unimaginable
of a margin you built
of the terror you provoked
yet you call yourself righteous and merciful
pen on my paper
blood on your hands
don't call it war, in this one-sided gameplan

day to day

_acceptance
some dreams are just forgotten
some dreams i don't dare to wish upon
it's easier to deal with when there are just no expectations
keep your feelings at bay, keep your heart unthreatened

_prayers
show me a life of ease
show me a life of comfort
show me a life of love
show me a life of gratitude
show me serene
show me peace
show me joy
show me release
curled on my bed, words unsaid

_shellter
my numbed shell has cracked
and my flaws are getting into my head
i used to struggle with a lack of emotions
now i'm drowning in a pool of it