on call

clik clak, the footsteps on the stairs
heavy on the heart, hate is in the air
not much of my soul left here, if any at all
the escape route not known, the calling uncalled
i long to leave, dare not to risk
brave to think, actions cowardice
a career path taken
and then resented
life is such
what i want is not

nothing new

invisible
a one way exertion
looking microscopically

blurring the bigger picture

be distracted
time moves on
what happens today, be gone tomorrow
let bygones be bygones
let the heart be unhurt
let me be forgotten
theres not much left regardless

the storm before the calm

in between the Niagara Falls
is the reflection of a rainbow
in between my heavy tears

comes the better days of tomorrow
in between my unkind thoughts
the result of the insomniac brain
in between all this misery
woe to me, drowning in pain
in the midst of writing
so that i may be sane again

the fear

stuck in this moment
stuck in my writings
a trait of stagnancy
or a state of loyalty
time still moving
wrinkly, accordingly

she is me and i am her
grown mature but unlocking a new fear
used and battered

in between

parallel lines no longer aligned
like twin magnetic poles repelling in different directions 
all the hoaxes i mistook as signs
all the decodings and all my reactions
2 lines in opposites
2 souls or lack of it
left me in a hole dug deep
neither living neither buried

i'm alive but i'm not
solemn eyes, heart rot

mania

excuse me my moment of temporary insanity
prompted by a fleeting meeting
engulfing me in my deepest flaws

this momentary glum will soon passed
welcome, new apathy
embrace my downfall

girl in october

4. 

the scale is broken

sometimes i'm okay, sometimes i'm not

right now i'm not

right now it's a lot

what a weakling

can't even handle a small thing

can't even handle existing

6. 

peace disruptor

chaotic calm

my tears in my laughter

i'm irritable right now

the sound at the end of a cordless device

disturbs the serene of my life

if any

 

13.

they come in bouts

unprovoked, unannounced

it's a mess, i'm a lost cause

whether we meet and whether we don't

whether i'm spiralling around or spiralling down

a one sided grief he doesn't know about 

14.

another sleepless night

running thoughts of mine

another curiosity kills the cat

the cat shows it's bedtime

my eyes refuse to close

my mind refuses to shut

done all my do's and don'ts

it's just not working out 

15.

dull ache over the left side of my chest

over the one on top of mind of mine

i care much more, pretend it's less

again and again, time over time

will this ache ever go away

my sentimental soul, adamant to stay 

17.

friendship grief

no one ever said how bad it hurts

one moment you're friendly

next moment you're not

the quiet becomes loud

the loud becomes a lot